So I have decided to blog about my current situation, in hopes that one day I will look back and laugh about this time.

My relocation to Georgia has not be pretty. I have been here 3 weeks now and I cannot find a job, I have had to apply for welfare and am still waiting to recieve food stamps to feed my 3 children, I have had to go to food banks, I moved into an apartment with "bugs"! I have no idea where my next dollar is coming from or what my children will even eat for dinner tonight. My rent is due next week $670, now where do I get that from? Groceries, we need them and don't have any money to get them. My children need clotes because GA is HOT. I can say I have never felt so helpless in my life!

So I come to the library everday to apply for jobs, but no one calls, well Bank of America called Alhamdulilah! I just pray that I have money for gas to get to the interview. I have had a job for the last 20 years of my life!!! 20 years!!! I have worked non stop since I was 14! Now I can't find anything. What is really going on?

A sister sent this to me today " "If you relied on Allah with a true reliance, He would provide for you the same as He provides birds: they set off in the early morning with empty stomachs and return back at the end of the day with full stomachs." [At-Tirmidhi, Ahmad] " I try to remember this everyday. This is the first time in my life that I have said and truly meant these words " Allah is all we have!!!"

I am trying so hard not to fall into a depressive state, all I can do at this moment is trust in Allah! I am trying so had not to listen to the whispers of shaytan to pay my rent. I don't really know where to turn, I am to embarrassed to tell my family about my situation because I don't want them to worry. The friends I have here are not being as supportive as they had promised before I moved here. I have considered going back to my husband, but that is not a good idea, because he could care less about what is happening to us. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyday I ask Allah to show me what he wants me to do, I thank him for letting me be able to put one more dinner on the table again.

I tell you I will never take for granted again, a job, money for groceries, GAS MONEY, those are things that in the past I just expected to have, it was never a problem for me. I have taken care of my children by myself, financially (yes even when I was married) since they have come into this world, Alhamdulilah! But now I watch them cry in the grocery store because they are so hungry and thirsty. I have to tell my 3 year old that she can't get cereal this time! I am the mom that runs to the store and always bring my babies "something special" and now I just watch them cry and try not to cry too or at least not in front of them. The feeling of not be able to give your children food is the most horrible feeling ever, its suffocating. I swear I can't breath sometimes.

Insha'Allah I am going to look back at this post and laugh, I will be working and paying my rent and have food in the cabinets! Insha'Allah this is a test from Allah that I will pass! I know one thing Allah is real and I am truely nothing in comparison to him and I am powerless, and I don't do anything with out his permission and mercy. It is because of Allah's mercy that I had that job and I could feed my children, and now I just ask for more so I can continue to do what he had blessed me to do before.