Assalamu Alaikum!
So I am back from my trip to Michigan and I had a really great time Alhamdulillah!! It was so good to see my family and friend, I swear it was therapeutic!
So let me ask you a question and please answer as honestly as you can. What is the benefit of being a Muslimah?
This question has been weighing heavily on my mind for the past couple of days! I mean before I got married and moved to the pacific northwest, I could answer that question. Now, I question it. I mean this religion just seem so chauvanistic to me as of late. I mean why can a man beat his wife lightly? Why if anyone was to prostrate to something other than Allah would it be a wife prostrating to her husband? I mean, I work just as many hours if not more than my husband, take care of the child, pay ALL of my own bills and am expected to still pay some of his too. why wouldn't he prostrate to me. I am so frustrated right now, I really need some help spiritually. Can anyone help me? :-(
Natural meaning in it's orginal state.
About Me
- Naturally Muslimah
- I am in my mid 30's, newly married, Mother of 3, revert, Niqaabi. I am your everyday around the way gal...
19 comments:
Pardon my answer.
I think your problem isn't Islam honey. I think your problem is your husband. It sounds that someone is manipulating something. Kind treatment of women, respect, freedom are all with the package. Don't focus too much on one hadeeth or two. There are hundreds of other hadeeths that demand that a husband respect his wife and cherish her.
Unhappy marital life may lead to this.
You know Organic, I think your right! Hijabi tells me the same thing all the time. I mean am to the point of taking off my hijab!! I need to make some changes and I pray that Allah is pleased with them!
Naturally
salam sister, Ask your husband "if this is the picture, he wants to potray to you about Islam. The doubts, you have about the religion, and your confusion about it, should be cleared by your Husband. In my case, I am muslim by birth, but do you know, sometimes, I surprise my husband, with the questions, and the Info about Women Related Islamic Issues, which are in my favour. Let me make you laugh, Like, if I feel Lazy, I tell him, "Ya Habibi, there is no food, arrange for some, get me some ready dinner, or otherwise, we all will end up starving till tomorrow". He knows what I mean, It means, I am not Obliged to cook, if I don't like to. I am not telling you, to do that, but dear sister, there are a lot of good things in Islam for Women, only; she is got to be AWARE OF THEM, and Be Assertive in a fair way. Don't Oppress and Don't Be Oppressed. And Physical abuse, what's up with that. Now, you know, where is the fault lying, It's in the way, the misinterpretation of some issues, about Islam. It is PEACE- You have to feel it, with your whole heart---I know, we are human beings and Shaytaan is always there, to make SHAR, and make things worse for us.
Thank you so much for that advice sister. I just feel like I am going to snap and go crazy. I really think the way my husband acts is cultural and I have to remind myself that does not mean that it is islamic. I need to learn more about my rights as a muslimah!
Naturally
AAWWW, sweety, I feel for you. May Allah soften your heart and bring clarity to your situation, AAMEEN. I don't know much about your situation but i do know that Islam isn't the problem. I don't know what is and I ask Allah to show you a solution to your problem, AAMEEN. As-salaamu Alaykum.
Sis, is your husband Arab?
Asalaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,
My Dearest Sister,
We have talked about this so much that you know exactly what I will say. We have been shown ugliness in the way of (some) Muslim men distorting things to their advantage. Even though you KNOW I struggled as well (remember when you had to pactically pick me up off the ground from collapsing with grief and depression) I truly believe Allah and Islam are beautiful.
I think once you leave your current situation, regroup, and rebuild your relationship with Allah things will fall into place. Hey, if it can happen for me I know it can happen for you habibty.
love,
me
ps: kiss the babies for me and tell them aunty hijabi loves them.
For you
http://organicmuslimah.blogspot.com/2007/01/from-unhappy-wife.html
Walaikum Salam Faith,
Ameen! Your probably right,it's not Islam. I know in my heart that Islam is perfect but Muslims are not! I will pray for clarity too. Thank you for that suggestion.
naturally
Organic,
he is not arab, but african. He is proving to fit the sterotype I heard before we got married about them being controlling. He was even jealous of Hijabi when her and I went to jummah prayer and the hilal store!! Can you believe that? he didn't want me to hang with her!
Hijabi,
Thank you so much, the babies and I love you so much, and thank you for listen to my story over and over. I know your right. I keep praying that what you say will happen for me too.
Naturally
Asalamu alaykum,
I don't know your situation but in understanding those ahadeeth, I've always seen them in light of traditional marriages where the man goes out to work to support the family and the woman works inside the home. I was just telling a sister the other day that if my husband and I were both working there would need to be some sort of equity at home. My family is from Nigeria so when my sisters and I were little and perhaps even now we always said we would never marry an African man so I feel for you.
In the difficulty after my conversion and in everyday trials, I remember my life before Islam and after it. Before Islam, I was lost and didn't even know it, not that I'm truly guided now either but I know with absolute certainty that Allah is true and the Messenger sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam and all of the other messengers were truthful, Islam is true and becoming Muslim was the best and precious and most dear and beneficial thing in my life and the thought of not having Islam causes me too much pain to even consider it.
Hijab is external but emaan is internal and manifests itself in our outward actions. An easy dua that I love to use over and over again "Ya Muqqalib Al-Quloob Thabbit Qalbi 'Ala Deenik" O Turner of the hearts, make my heat firm upon your deen. May Allah azza wa jall make things easy for you.
Walaikum Salam Muslim Apple,
Thank you so much for that dua'a, I really need it. I have really been taking sometime to really think about what I want. I am so happy that you and other sisters have responded to my question because I am starting to see that it's not Islam that is the problem. So now I have to decide what I want to do and how I want to do it. What's most important to me is being in accordance with Allah!
Thank you sister for your advice.
Naturally
I can't really help you. All I can say is that you are not alone. I am feeling some of the same things.
http://www.modernmuslimwoman.com
maybe you can find help at this forum or at least another place for discussion among sisters
assalam alaykum, sister naturally muslimah, how are you, hope you are fine. masalaama
salaamz sister, all that prostrating to your husband, licking the pus from his wounds, giving him sex even if u are busy baking bread at your hearth, etc. This is NOT ISLAM. there are some very good dissections of those hadeeth by an Egyptian origin scholar called Dr. Khaled Abou El Fadl. You can order his books on Amazon. One in particular is Speaking in God's Name, chapter 7. He talks about how both old traditional and modern Salafist scholars have manipulated much of what is considered normative Islam to confirm their patriarchal view of how things should be. Other books that had REAL, not apologistic sounding answers for me were Progressive Muslims edited by Omid Safi, and Women In Islam by Anne Sofie Roald. Actually, I was at a point where Islam seemed very dire to me due to all the misogynistic crap. But reading a different perspective by Muslims who pray and believe and want to serve Allah, but who are calling for a re-hashing of all the women hating crap...it saved me and my faith. Subhanallah.
I pray for u, sister.
Loads of Salaam and Du'as
Fatima
Jazak Allah Khairn Fatima,
I will really look into some of those books! Because I at the point of just abandoning everything all together. I need some help. I can't express to you how helpful this is.
Naturally.
Assalam walikum sister!
May Allah make these trying times easy for you. Always remember, never doubt Islam. Islam is the solution to all of our answers. Maintain your Iman and nothing is bring you down :)
Take care.
Walikum assalam
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